"A Big Fat Greek Wedding"? Not!

I just returned from an early (10:30 a.m.) wedding and reception (11:00 a.m. and still going on) at a "wedding gardens" sort of place in Oregon City. It is going to be 101° F today. It's muggy and overcast, and there were a very few droplets of rain during the "service," and the temperature was still probably in the upper 80's. This is the weather I fled from when coming out here from the Midwest. Thank God, it is an Oregon experience only rarely…like today!

The second son of my Greek nouná (godmother) got married to a nice American girl. There were a lot of people at the wedding, which was held in the open air, in a garden, using a large gazebo as the backdrop. There were a lot of people there. Many I expected to see, who are part of the paréa (family and extended family, such as koumbári—godbrothers) of my nouná, were curiously absent. My wife and I sat next to Deacon David and Diakonissa Barbara, surrounded by mostly strangers, even though we sat "on the groom's side." I think I knew why we saw so few other Greeks there.

An Orthodox Christian cannot marry a non-Christian, which is a person who has not been baptised in the name of the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit), so that leaves out a few religious groups that call themselves Christian, as well as Jews, Muslims, and pagans (non-monotheists, atheists). If an Orthodox marries a non-Orthodox, however, a church blessing (the Orthodox wedding service) is not only allowed but encouraged, without the slightest pressure to convert. (In the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding it has to be assumed that the groom was a "pagan" and therefore had to be baptised, otherwise marriage would have been out of the question.) This is my take on the above "tradition"—Conversion for the sake of marriage without true inner conviction, or baptism performed on an adult in the same fashion, is dishonest and, though convenient, is just "asking for trouble."

This was apparently not the case here. The bride is apparently a Christian, though not Orthodox. They could have had a church wedding. They chose not to. I'm sure they had reasons. Though his mother, my nouná, probably attends services as much as she is able, her son, the groom, does not. Because of this, the son is simply not in "bodily fellowship" with the community. Why get married in a church if you don't "go" there? Many people do, and I reckon it is commendable honesty that made the groom and his bride decide against a "church" wedding. But why among the guests so few of the Orthodox extended family?

Early on, the word began to circulate that a member of Holy Trinity, one who is in "good standing" and a choir member, was going to "officiate" at this wedding. Well, you might ask, why not one of the priests? Couldn't a priest perform an Orthodox wedding service on the "neutral" ground of a wedding garden? Uh, well, no, not exactly. Maybe weddings have been conducted in other places than the church building under certain circumstances, I don't know. But the normative answer is, No. An Orthodox wedding service must be performed inside the temple, because the prayers and ceremonies require the presence of worship "things"—relative locations in the temple itself, liturgical furniture, icons, etc., as significant reminders of what is really going on—the Mystery of Marriage.

Anyway, an Orthodox layperson who happened to have a license to perform marriages from the State of Oregon (why or how he has this, I don't know) performed the service. So, what's wrong with that? I suppose, nothing, as long as he did not imitate the liturgical actions and words of a presbyter. Outside Orthodoxy, a young couple can "write" their own service. This is, apparently, what they did… only they "borrowed" words and ceremonial from the Orthodox service books:

The rings were "blessed" and called a "betrothal." Stéphana (wedding crowns joined with a ribbon) were also "blessed" and switched back and forth over their heads by the groom's brother as his koumbáro (in this case, "best man"). The ceremony was called the "sacrament" of marriage by the officiating layperson. Vows similar to those at Protestant and Catholic weddings were spoken. At the conclusion of the very short ceremony, the "minister" blessed the newly "married" couple with the sign of the Cross, "in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit," finishing up the liturgical gesture with a bold "thumbs up" at the end.

During the proceedings, I did not see a single Orthodox make the sign of the cross or hear anyone say "Amen" to anything said during the ceremony. There was a strange feeling of incongruity, perhaps enhanced by the chuckling and occasional interjection of spontaneous smart remarks by the participants. Could this be why some of the paréa didn't show up? I can only wonder.

The reception was a brunch-like affair, with a great disk jockey as master of ceremonies. He really made people dance, even though it was only about noon. I liked him instinctively. Something made me see him as a flash of clarity, somehow, amidst all the warm fuzzy-ness that surrounded us. And then, the time came for proposing toasts…

The last wedding I attended, an Orthodox church wedding between two converts from strong evangelical backgrounds (Lutheran and Assembly of God), when it came to the toasts at their wedding supper, I could have cried (I think I did), they were so full of abundant blessings, containing words from the Bible drawn from the speakers' hearts. They were toasts indeed!

At today's wedding, it seemed as though the toastmasters' tongues had been paralysed by some force of dysfocus. Young people nowadays seem not to know what a toast even is. When the "officiant" was called on to propose a toast, his too was brief and contentless. But wait… Of all people, the disk jockey stepped up to the mic, and the toast that thundered from his lips, ah… it started out quiet-like and then gained momentum as Someone grew greater and he grew less. This is the gist of his toast…

"Have you ever noticed, how God does things in threes? I mean, not one or two, but three seems to be the rule when He puts things together. So, you think He put these two together, but… No, not just the two of you, "Mister" and "Missus". You're really part of three… it's a triangle pointing Up, the two of you are the two corners at the base, and He is the top corner, of the triangle. And He wants you two together, with Him, just the three of you… Not the two of you, and the in-laws. Not the two of you, and the kids that will be coming. Not the two of you, and the "world out there." Yeah, especially not that! You've gotta keep the triangle intact, let nothing invade it. Nothing! And now I propose a toast to the bride and groom and to Him!"

This was the first time in the morning's proceedings that I said out loud and boldly, "Ameen! Ameen!" as I raised my glass of orange juice mixed with champagne. It was only at that moment that I really felt, the Lord Jesus had been invited to this wedding feast.

And He changed the water into wine.

"People generally serve the best wine first… but you have kept the best wine till now."
(John 2:10 Jerusalem Bible)