Free

Awoke this morning with a vague emotion of unworthiness, sandy eyes, and a very dry throat, ‘my palate is drier than a potsherd and my tongue is stuck to my jaw’ (Psalm 22:15). Slept all night long with my window shut. That must have something to do with it.

Even in very cold weather, even with snow on the ground, I usually sleep with my window wide open, not just a crack but with the sash thrown up all the way, for fresh air. It may be hot or cold, but to sleep in the open air, under the naked stars, is best for the soul.

Then, I awake not feeling unworthy, but cleansed by night sounds and refreshed by the breath of morning, all I feel in my soul upon arising is thankfulness. I am no more if I ever was: it is only He, who comes to me, ‘out of His pavilion like a Bridegroom’ (Psalm 19:5).

Unworthy. So it is when we sleep, sealed in our room, and breathing only our own breath. In man, stale is unworthy, and unworthy we are stifled. An act of openness is all that is required, to sleep, like a bird, breathing the unknown air, ‘and, on waking, to gaze our fill on His likeness’ (Psalm 17:15).

Gracious are You, O Lord, forgiving us all our trespasses and freeing us by your unconditional mercy, not looking at our offenses against Your Law, but at the little creatures that we are, that Your hands have made, wanting only to release us from our cages, to fly out and breathe, free.