God loves us so much

‘God loves us so much, that He’s done everything He can do to save us, and He doesn’t want it all to be wasted.’

I was trapped in a very strange dream sequence, which I call the ‘church dream.’ This is a recurring dream which I’ve had for more than twenty years, which has as its location—church. Usually, it’s the church I once attended and ministered out of, St. Mark’s, what I consider my original family church, a miniature masterpiece, architecturally a basilica with Italianate bell tower, interior based on the famous church in Venice, replete with frescoes and icons. The first few scenes in this dream sequence were based on St. Mark’s and had the same themes, me trying to explain to visitors why the great church was no longer what it once was. The last thing I remember out of those scenes was taking an embroidered icon cloth out of the church, rescuing it from oblivion because the ‘remodel’ had no place for it, and unrolling the cloth on my bed, so I could look at it more closely…

Other scenes followed, now not directly connected to a specific church building. The one that I remember as I awoke this morning was something like this.

This time I was in an Orthodox environment, but in no particular church. I was just bidding farewell to an Eastern European new immigrant, a young man, a musician, who had just received some kind of blessing from the church. It seemed like he had been in need of a new musical instrument so he could support himself, and maybe the church had just helped him out in some way. He was beaming.

Then, he told me of his old dad, who was a farmer with one cow, who was not making it in life, but who thought that if he had two cows, things might go better for him. This problem was keeping him away from church, locked in a mental battle, because of a rule that they had in their church, that a man had the church’s blessing only to have one cow. The priest in his church would not give him a blessing to have two cows. So he was staying away from church. I decided to go and visit him.

I found the old farmer, sitting cross-legged on the wooden floor of a small, unfurnished room, literally a cubbyhole the size of a walk-in closet, drinking a bowl of soup. He was the image of poverty itself, clad in faded old work clothes. He didn’t speak to me at all. I stood in the doorway silently for a moment, as tears started welling up inside me, I’m not sure why. I leaned my head on the doorpost and said to him, ‘God loves us so much, that He’s done everything He can do to save us, and He doesn’t want it all to be wasted.

‘Don’t let this matter of having two cows get in the way of your salvation. If you want another cow and can buy it, go and buy it. Then, go to your priest and ask him for his blessing. If he refuses to give it, thank him, say “That’s alright, father, that’s alright,” pay your respects, and leave. Then, come to the Greek priest. He will give you the blessing, because we don’t have a ‘one cow’ rule.’

At that point, I woke up.

Though dreams can often be quite meaningless and usually are, this one has some meaning. Though in my dreams I often hear or speak verses from the Bible, in this dream it wasn’t an exact Bible verse I cited, but something like a conflation of maybe John 3:16 and Romans 8:32. And that was that. No wordy sermon, just an assurance of God’s love for us, and a practical work-around to get through the ‘toll-gates’ of the Church.

Yes, though the Kingdom of God is but one country, ‘on earth as it is in heaven,’ it seems that somebody thought this wasn’t good enough. The ‘inheritance of the saints’ has been divided and sub-divided, the ‘first and greatest commandment, and the second like unto it’ multiplied into hundreds of rules and regulations, and the ‘one Mediator between God and man’ replaced by a multitude of gate-keepers.

Dreams, I think, come from a combination of factors—what happened to you the day before, your mental or emotional state, what you’ve been reading or watching on television or PC, even the state of your digestion. This dream is no exception. But God can even use our dreams, sometimes, to speak something in our ears.

If He were speaking in this dream, what might He be saying?

The Unchurchables

With the Saints give rest, O Christ, to the souls of Your servants where there is no pain, nor sorrow, nor suffering, but life everlasting.

O God of spirits and of all flesh, You have trampled down death and have abolished the power of the devil, giving life to Your world. Give rest to the souls of Your departed servants, in a place of light, in a place of repose, in a place of refreshment, where there is no pain, sorrow, and suffering. As a good and loving God, forgive every sin they have committed in thought, word or deed, for there is no one who lives and is sinless. You alone are without sin. Your righteousness is an everlasting righteousness, and Your word is truth. For You are the resurrection, the life and the repose of Your departed servants, Christ our God, and to You we give glory, with Your eternal Father and Your all-holy, good and life-giving Spirit, now and forever and to the ages of ages.

— Greek Orthodox Memorial Service

Looking for a suitable photograph of Mother Maria Skobtsova to use in a post, I ran across a webpage that I have discovered once or twice before, Hagiography Circle, an online resource for Roman Catholics to connect to their saints. The photo of Mother Maria was on a page titled Non-Catholic Models. The page had an apologetic for why the site would dare to post the stories of non-Catholics who, if they had been Catholics, might be considered saints:

"As it is true in the Catholic faith, several members of the Orthodox and Protestant churches have responded generously to this divine grace by allowing the Spirit to work fully in and through their lives - even to the point of martyrdom - for the sake of the Reign."
I was simply impressed how anyone could make such a statement. It demonstrates to me a very fatal flaw in what passes for the Church in this world. There are just too many good examples of people living in Christ outside what a particular institution calls 'the Church.' I call these examples, "the Unchurchables," not because they did not belong to the Church, but because somehow they "slipped through the pews and escaped," to do the work that Christ had called them to.

I have not examined the lives of most of the people depicted in the photos, but I do know the stories of some of them, and I know of many others that could be added. I wonder how things look to them from their angles of the Throne. As C. S. Lewis (who in my estimation should have his picture there, so I added it!) has said, when all is said and done, "there will be some surprises."

After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.”
Revelation 7:9-10 NIV

Holy Cross – September 14

What our Saviour saw from the Cross - Tissot

There is much more to this feast day than a mere commemoration of the physical relic of the Cross, glorious though it may be. We can never forget, amidst the trappings of religion that often encumber and conceal it, that the Cross was endured for us, and it is also meant for us, those of us who follow Jesus. What does the world look like to us? Are we standing with our feet on the ground, looking up and adoring the crucified Lord? Or is our flesh nailed down to the Cross for love of Him, with whom we look upon a world that, lost in its own sin and suffering, gazes upon us, uncomprehending?

In Paradise of old, the tree stripped me bare, for by the eating thereof, the enemy brought in death. But now, the most holy tree of the Cross that doth clothe all men with the garment of life hath been set up on earth, and all of the world is filled with most boundless joy. Seeing it exalted, ye people, now, let us the faithful all cry out with one accord to God in faith: Thy house is full of glory, O Lord.

— Elevation of the Holy Cross - Sessional Hymn of the Canon

Here follow some gleanings on the Cross from earlier posts on
Cost of Discipleship.

Discipleship means the Cross

The knowledge of the Cross

is concealed in the sufferings of the Cross.

— Gregory the Great

The Cross is the door to mysteries. Through this door the intellect makes entrance in to the knowledge of heavenly mysteries. The knowledge of the Cross is concealed in the sufferings of the Cross. And the more our participation in its sufferings, the greater the perception we gain through the Cross. For, as the Apostle says, "As the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ."

— Isaac of Syria

God does not create a cross for man. No matter how heavy a cross a man may carry in life, it is still just wood, from which man himself was made, and it always grows from the soil of his heart.

— Ambrose of Optina

The way of God from the beginning of time and from the creation of the human race has been the way of the cross and death. How did you get your idea that everything is just the opposite? You must realize that you are outside the way of God, that you are far from Him, that you do not wish to walk in the steps of the Saints, but want to make some special way for yourself and travel by it without sufferings. The way of God is a daily cross. No one has climbed to heaven by living a life of pleasure.

— Ignatios Brianchaninov

Christians often assume that to ‘take up our cross’ means simply to carry a burden. When we run into a life trouble, we will say things like ‘oh, this is just my cross to bear.’ We basically shrug it off, totally missing the significance of the cross.

Ever consider that the cross is not meant to be a burden?

It is meant to cause death.
The cross is meant to kill us!
It is an instrument of death!
Oh that wonderful cross!

Christianity can be many things to many people, but unless it is first and foremost the cross, it can devolve into ritual, culture, or magic. Not that everyone will have the same cross to bear and to die on, not that what it looks like or feels like will be the same for all, not that those who follow Christ to Calvary will all understand what is happening to them the same way, but nonetheless the cross awaits us all, at least all of us who seek to follow Jesus.

Why, then, do you fear to take up the Cross, which is the road to the Kingdom? In the Cross is salvation; in the Cross is life; in the Cross is protection against our enemies; in the Cross is infusion of heavenly sweetness; in the Cross is strength of mind; in the Cross is joy of spirit; in the Cross is excellence of virtue; in the Cross is perfection of holiness. There is no salvation of soul, nor hope of eternal life, save in the Cross. Take up the Cross, therefore, and follow Jesus. Christ has gone before you, bearing His Cross; He died for you on the Cross, that you also may bear your cross, and desire to die on the cross with Him. For if you die with Him, you will also live with Him. And if you share His sufferings, you will also share His glory. See how in the Cross all things consist, and in dying on it all things depend. There is no other way to life and to true inner peace, than the way of the Cross, and of daily self-denial. Go where you will, seek what you will; you will find no higher way above nor safer way below than the road of the Holy Cross.

— Thomas à Kempis,
The Imitation of Christ, Book 2, Chapter 12

                       Cross, do not fail me

                       when it comes my hour

                       to bleed. As to a strong-masted vessel,

                       let me be bound to you to share your power.

                       Hug me close as the wind we together wrestle.

                       Lost, let them nail me                       
                       as my ransomed soul

                       a steed of spirit mounts and my hungers hang.

                       Let me inherit what the jailer stole

                       and hidden, as I thirst, what prophets sang.

— Romanós

You have not the making of your own cross, although unbelief is a master carpenter at cross-making; neither are you permitted to choose your own cross, although self-will would fain be lord and master; but your cross is prepared and appointed for you by divine love, and you are cheerfully to accept it; you are to take up the cross as your chosen badge and burden, and not to stand judging it too severely. This day Jesus bids you submit your shoulder to His easy yoke. Do not kick at it in petulance, or trample on it in vain-conceit, or fall under it in despair, or run away from it in fear, but take it up like a true follower of Jesus. Jesus was a cross-bearer; He leads the way in the path of sorrow. Surely you could not desire a better guide! And if He carried a cross, what nobler burden would you desire? The Via Crucis is the way of safety; fear not to tread its thorny paths.

Beloved, the cross is not made of feathers, or lined with velvet, it is heavy and galling to disobedient shoulders; but it is not an iron cross, though your fears have painted it with iron colours, it is a wooden cross, and a man can carry it, for the Man of sorrows tried the load. Take up your cross, and by the power of the Spirit of God you will soon be so in love with it, that like Moses, you would not exchange the reproach of Christ for all the treasures of Egypt. Remember that Jesus carried it, and it will smell sweetly; remember that it will soon be followed by the crown, and the thought of the coming weight of glory will greatly lighten the present heaviness of trouble.

The Lord help you to bow your spirit in submission to the divine will before you fall asleep this night, that waking with tomorrow's sun, you may go forth to the day's cross with the holy and submissive spirit which becomes a follower of the Crucified.             

— Charles Spurgeon, man of God (1834-92)

Take up the cross, and follow Me.

Mark 10:21

Come down from the cross

No matter where I have been, in solitude or in human society, light and consolation pour forth into my soul from the cross of Christ. Sin, which has possession of my entire being, does not cease to say to me, ‘Come down from the cross.’

Alas! I come down from it, thinking to find righteousness outside of the cross, and I fall into misery of soul: waves of agitation swallow me. Having come down from the cross, I am found to be without Christ.

How can I help my calamitous state? I pray to Christ to raise me up unto the cross again. As I pray, I myself try to be crucified, as one taught by experience: he who is not crucified is not Christ's.

Faith raises me up onto the cross; reason, falsely so called, full of faithlessness, brings me down from it. As I myself act, so do I advise my brothers to act!

What else shall I add? I will add, ‘Blessed is the man that endureth temptation’ (James 1:12). ‘In that He Himself (Jesus Christ) hath suffered being tempted, He is able to succor them that are tempted’ (Hebrews 2:18).

I desire that these words of Holy Scripture be realized in you. And you—be consoled! Do not be fainthearted because you have been conquered in warfare. This is unto spiritual skill or experience, and for humility. Peace be unto you!

I will say in addition ; the general path of ascetics is, through practicing patience among men, to heal the infirmity of the senses, to see God's Providence, and to enter into mental prayer.

Someone else, by God's Providence, enters therein by another way, but we should go by the common path. Read about this in Homily 55 of St. Isaac (the Syrian) to St. Symeon the Wonderworker.

Some find that solitude is the shortest means to spiritual success, while others say that love for one's neighbor leads to spiritual success.

My heart likes the latter more, because love for one's neighbor is the indispensable duty of each one, while not many are capable of stillness.

— From The Collected Letters of St Ignatius Brianchaninov (Russian), Moscow,1995. This translation was published in Issue Nos. 270-71 of The Orthodox Word pp. 91-92, St Herman Press, Jan-April 2010.

“Remember who your teachers were…”
2 Timothy 3:14

Creatures

None of us have seen our birth. None of us remember it. Hypnotists cannot take us back to relive it. Mystics cannot dig it out of our akashic record or our primeval brain cells where it might be stored. Our births are simply beyond our memory.

Not all of us will see our death. True, some will see it and experience a brief and intense moment, of fear, of impact, of explosion, of searing light or heat, and maybe some pain. Then, darkness, again for a brief moment, but by then time will have ended for us.

If we are fortunate, we will die in the company of loved ones, fully conscious in our passing, feeling the final tender touch of our relatives on this side, hearing their farewells, intermingled with the first touch of our relatives on that side, hearing their reassuring words. Light will yield to light.

Each of us is a visible between two invisibles. We are creatures not of choice but of chance, but only on the human side. Very little is in our control, very small knowledge within our grasp. Some of us hop, skip and jump through life, others hobble, plod along, warily creeping, hoping to escape, but from what?

The gift of life can only be imagined by those who have not risked death, but not appreciated. For them the unseen is not proved by the seen, as the poet says, but remains an unattainable but unwanted mystery. Indifference clothes the soul that seeks not the unmade Maker.

Again, they are foxes who cannot eat the wild grapes, and so call them sour. Unable or unwilling, nine healed lepers head off without giving thanks for their purification. And one lying paralysed for thirty-eight years betrays the Healer of his soul and body to His enemies.

Chronos drains away, moment by moment, like lean cows devouring fat, like poor ears of corn consuming rich, and the gainsayers still tread unknowingly the slaughterhouse floor, their feet wading in their own blood. Man in his prosperity forfeits intelligence. He is one with the cattle doomed to slaughter. (Psalm 49:19-20 Jerusalem Bible)

Originally posted August 10, 2010

Selah

There are many ways to avoid getting angry in situations where it would be a natural reaction to do so. For me, if I am able to get away and just pull back, not taking offense, not wishing offense, not desirous of revenge, not seeking to justify myself, but just to retreat into silence and await the Lord's judgment: He lifts me up, He answers for me, He silences my mind and heart, He empties me of sorrow, and in the end, He shatters the bonds that hold me.

But I can do something else: I can take offense, I can react, I can seek revenge, I can try to justify myself, I can dig up history to add to my arsenal, and I can recklessly run into anger and, clothed with it, go to destroy the person or situation that I have convinced myself to hate. I will avoid silence because it might convict me. Noise, even mental noise, is better, anything is better than being a wimp and letting the other get advantage of me.

I am a simple man whom reading books will not help much. Only one word, one word only will do, and after that, silence.

He comes, He comes to judge the earth, to judge the peoples, to judge even me, with justice and truth.

Lord, have mercy!

Market policemen

This is a very long but—if you have patience and can keep your mind focused—a very carefully expressed evaluation of a type of disorder which has existed in other churches for a very long time, and is now making its presence felt within Holy Orthodoxy. Fr Georges Massouh calls this disorder ‘market policemen’. Originally posted here.

We Orthodox are in great need of a distinction in our religious discourse between what is essential and what is accidental. For some of us, confusing these two things leads to confusion and to value judgments that take others out of the range of sound teaching, sometimes to the point of accusing them of heresy or of undesirable innovation. Within churchly circles, this confusion has reached a point that raises anxiety and alarm since it has ballooned and occupied areas that had remained remote from it until today.

Our Orthodox theology is based on a respect for diversity in non-dogmatic matters. The source of this is faith in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, one God in three hypostases. The theological belief affirming that faith in the Most Holy Trinity is faith in unity in diversity and diversity in unity remains in our hearts and minds. The gifts of the faithful must be according to the image of the Most Holy Trinity: one of them does not cancel out the special characteristic of another or its individuality. Love and its pinnacle, the life-giving Cross, remains the bond that ties us together for the sake of building up the group and its salvation.

On the basis of this theological principle, the Church has known the distinction between set dogmas, apart from which one exits the Church, and theological opinions, which if the faithful differ about them no one can judge those who disagree about such an opinion as having left the Church. This is because theology is concerned with upright belief and faith, which is established in the dogmatic teachings that the Church agreed upon in the ecumenical councils. As for what the Church has not dogmatically determined, there is no problem with a multiplicity of opinion about such matters. In this diversity lies the power of the Church and the freedom that was granted to her by Christ, her Lord and Redeemer. In this diversity also lies a distinguishing characteristic of Christianity compared to other religions.

If, for example, we take the question of universal salvation, we find a diversity of opinions among the fathers both ancient and modern. All agree that the essential matter in this question is that Christ alone is the savior and no one else and that salvation can only be achieved through Him exclusively. As for how salvation is achieved through Him and which people receive it, one cannot determine this with certainty. This matter is for Him alone and it is not for us to have anything to do with it except to hope. Those who argue for universal salvation have their sound biblical and theological proofs and those who claim that salvation is only for those who deserve it also have their own proofs that are no less sound. On this matter we could cite a number of fathers in favor of both sides.

In our present time, there are many matters that are less important than the question of salvation, but despite this we see an intensification of discussion about them. If we take as another example the “outpouring of light” at the Holy Sepulcher on Holy Saturday, its importance varies among both the faithful and theologians. Some of them consider it to be proof of the true faith and find fault with those who do not believe in it and some pay no attention whatsoever to the phenomenon, considering it to be a popular belief with no connection to the teachings of the Orthodox Church.

Distinguishing between what is essential and what is accidental is necessary for the preservation of the unity of the visible Church and in order to prevent chaos that would shake the faith of the simple, who naturally are not stupid. What is essential is that Christ rose from the dead and granted life to those in the tombs. As for the question of the “outpouring of light”, it should not exceed the bounds of something that is accidental and incidental. If it did not occur, it would not add or take away a mustard seed’s weight of faith in the Resurrection. There is an anxiety that results here from giving the accidental priority over the essential, relegating the essential to the level of something secondary or marginal.

A lack of distinguishing between what is essential and what is accidental has led to the appearance of a class of “market policemen” who pursue those who hold differing opinions in order to judge them according to how they interpret to be correct with them and incorrect with others. “Market policing” or “compliance” as it is called in some Islamic countries, is not a behavior that our Church has known in the past but rather something new that is making inroads today. There are those who judge people for opinions that they have written or spoken or for their doing away with certain phenomena that have no connection to Orthodox tradition, such as in questions of dress and beards, or in the question of menstruating women participating in the sacraments or their placing a scarf over their head when they receive communion…

Respect for diversity is what makes the Orthodox Church unique. All individualism or unilateralism in teaching goes against the essence of this Church. Diversity begins with the absolute distinction between what is essential and what is accidental. “Market policing” is a new and alien innovation for our Orthodox tradition and it contradicts the basic Orthodox dogma, the dogma of the Most Holy Trinity. It is an innovation that contradicts the words of the divine Apostle, “You know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” In closing, we believe that the appearance of this class of “policemen” is an expression of a profound crisis that takes them captive and puts them in a state of constant fear of the world that Christ called us to face without fear, even if it persecutes and oppresses us.

— Fr Georges Massouh

The love of God

Not my words, Lord, but Yours.

Not by us, Yahweh, not by us,
by You alone is glory deserved,
by Your love and Your faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1

How do we know that God loves us? Aren’t we just too small and unimportant to bother with? Doesn’t He have better things to do? Or maybe it’s just that we don’t want Him to love us, so we prefer to remain in the dark about it. That’s easier, because we can be ‘our own’ men, not owing anyone anything, especially not owing Him. What does the Word of God say about God’s love? Here are some examples from Psalm 107.

Give thanks to Yahweh for He is good,
His love is everlasting:
Let these be the words of Yahweh’s redeemed,
those He has redeemed from the oppressor’s clutches,
by bringing them home from foreign countries,
from east and west, from north and south.
(Verses 1-3)

These words are for God’s hereditary people Israel, and are prophecy fulfilled in our day, as the return of Israel to the land proves. He addresses His own people first, and proves His love by always bringing them back. If you are a follower of Jesus, the Son of God, then you too are addressed in these words. He has redeemed you also from the oppressor’s clutches. Who or what is the oppressor? Death itself, which oppresses everyone. How has He redeemed you? By the precious blood of the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world, that is, Jesus Christ.

Some were living in gloom and darkness,
fettered in misery and irons
for defying the orders of God,
for scorning the advice of the Most High;
who bent them double with hardship,
to breaking point, with no one to help them.
(Verses 10-12)

What is this? Does the loving God fetter those who defy Him and scorn His advice, that is, His Word? Does He really send them hardship, try them to the breaking point, and withhold all help from them? You cannot escape this. It’s here in the scriptures. You can’t make up a god out of your false hopes, and then search for Bible verses to prove your ideas. Why would God do these things to people who reject Him? That doesn’t seem very loving now, does it? Perhaps they’re right to reject Him, if that’s the kind of God He is. What else does it say?

Then they called to Yahweh in their trouble
and He rescued them from their sufferings;
released them from gloom and darkness,
shattering their chains.
Let these thank Yahweh for His love,
for His marvels on behalf of men;
breaking bronze gates open,
He smashes iron bars.
(Verses 13-16)

What? Is that all it takes? If you’re heading down the wrong road, and things are just getting worse and worse, all you have to do is just ‘call to Yahweh’? That just seems too simple, doesn’t it? Surely, somebody has to pay for the wrongs, if they were wrong to begin with! Yes, and Someone has. It’s He who broke ‘bronze gates open’ and smashed ‘iron bars,’ when He descended into She‘ol, into Hades, into Hell…

Isaiah knew it would be so.
‘The world of shadows mourned,’ he cried, ‘when it met You,
mourned at its bringing low, wept at its deluding.’
The shadows seized a body and found it was God;
they reached for earth and what they held was heaven;
they took what they could see: it was what no one sees.
(Chrysostom, Paschal Homily)

The psalm continues with more examples of the love of God.

Some, driven frantic by their sins,
made miserable by their own guilt
and finding all food repugnant,
were nearly at death’s door.
(Verses 17-18)

So here’s a bit more about what’s going on. It’s not just God that punishes man with the penalties of sin, but the sins themselves have an effect on those who commit them. What’s this? Their guilt makes them miserable? How can this be possible? Is there a real right and wrong? Or do people suffer like this because they really do know that there is a God, and that His ways are holy?

Then they called to Yahweh in their trouble
and He rescued them from their sufferings;
sending His Word and curing them,
He snatched them from the pit.
(Verses 19-20)

What does it say that God does when the afflicted call to Him? He sends His Word and cures them! How is this possible? What can it possibly mean that ‘He sends His Word’? What is this ‘Word’ and how does it cure anyone? Can it possibly be what is called the scriptures? Backtracking to an earlier psalm for a moment, we might find the answer in Psalm 19, where the Law, Torah, is described in a way that makes us think whether it might be what Psalm 107 is calling the Word…

The Law of Yahweh is perfect,
new life for the soul;
the decree of Yahweh is trustworthy,
wisdom for the simple.

The precepts of Yahweh are upright,
joy for the heart;
the commandment of Yahweh is clear,
light for the eyes.

The fear of Yahweh is pure,
lasting for ever;
the judgments of Yahweh are true,
righteous every one,
more desirable than gold,
even than the finest gold;
His words are sweeter than honey,
even than honey that drips from the comb.

Thus Your servant is formed by them,
observance brings great reward.
But who can detect his own failings?
Wash out my hidden faults.
And from pride preserve Your servant,
never let it dominate me.
So shall I be above reproach,
free from grave sin.
(Verses 7-13)

‘Thus Your servant is formed by them’ and ‘free from grave sin’ seem to be saying that the ‘words of Yahweh’ have the power to shape us and free us from sin. It sounds like this might be the answer to what is meant by God ‘sending His Word and curing’ people who ‘called to Yahweh in their trouble.’ If this was true for them, can’t it be true for us as well?

Psalm 107 reveals to us a lot about how God, the living God of Israel, thinks and acts, showing us that God really does have a distinct personality, and isn’t just a ‘cosmic process.’

Sometimes He turned rivers to desert,
springs of water into arid ground,
or a fertile country into salt flats,
because the people living there were wicked.

Or again, He turned a desert into sheets of water,
and an arid country into flowing springs,
where He gave the hungry a home
in which to found a habitable town.
(Verses 33-36)

It isn’t just the mindless and purposeless forces of nature that change things on earth after all, but the just judgment of God that He expresses within time. Here’s an interesting verse…

Pouring His contempt upon the nobly born,
He left them to wander in a trackless waste.
But now, He lifts the needy out of their misery,
and gives them a flock of new families;
at the sight of which, upright hearts rejoice
and wickedness must hold its tongue.
(Verses 41-42)

Whatever else we think, we can see as we look around us, especially in these times, how these very things are happening. The ‘old money’ families, despite their wealth and prestige, are coming unglued. Their control of whole nations has brought them nothing but inner decay, moral and spiritual. On the other hand, are we alarmed when we see the prosperity, in our United States, of the new immigrants, the Latinos, the Koreans and other Asians? These latter are by and large ‘people of the Book,’ who take God at His Word and rely on His faithfulness…

Mary declared, ‘He hath put down the mighty from their seat, and hath exalted the humble and meek. He hath filled the hungry with good things, and the rich He hath sent empty away.’
(Magnificat, Book of Common Prayer; Luke 1:52-53)

Psalm 107 concludes with this thought about the love of God…

If you are wise, study these things
and realise how Yahweh shows His love.
(Verse 43)

Yearning

It's not even the middle of September, and here I am already yearning for Yom Kippur. Other days will get in the way—and I will take them as they come—but what I heard on the evening of the Day of Atonement, October 12, 2005, stays with me, especially as the day draws near.   

So much has happened in the years since then, that my ‘conversation’ takes on an almost mythic aspect. In short, this is what happened…

After pondering for many days my life and where it had led me, I went into my arbor (pictured above) and presented to the Lord an account of it. I was very, very sorry, not despairing, but hopeful that the Lord would accept my repentance and accept me, even me, back into His fold, and let me begin to serve Him.

Sure, I went to church and up to that day had probably never missed a Sunday service. Sure, I did all the ‘expected’ things, and even some volunteer work. But over the years, my cowardice in answering the call of Christ to the extraordinary life had resulted in a life with little or no fruit. The extraordinary—‘perissós’—comes from Matthew, in Greek…

και εαν ασπασησθε τους φιλους υμων μονον τι περισσον ποιειτε; ουχι και οι τελωναι ουτως ποιουσιν;
And if ye should salute your brethren only, what do ye extraordinary? Do not also the Gentiles the same?
Matthew 5:47 Darby

So, although I had lived the first 30 years of my Christian life as an unprofitable servant, I asked the Lord for another chance, this time to make good on my original decision to follow Christ at the age of 24. Though I joke about it, the impression was quite serious. ‘Forty-nine years.’

‘What? I have 49 years? But I'm 54 now!’ I pondered again, what can this mean? ‘For the first 5 years, I was not accountable? The next 49 years were mine to give, and I lost them? So now, I have 49 years to make it up?’

No, that's not really how God works. That might be how my miniscule mind has to verbalize it, to even begin to understand, but no, that's not how God works. What I knew for certain, what I know for true, is that the Father accepts my repentance through Jesus Christ, our true and living High Priest. He accepted my life, and let me start again.

From that day on, I made it my will to seek His will, to act on the Word, to not suppress the Spirit, to not draw back my hand when asked for help (not by men, but by God, who alone is humble enough to ask for our help!). This is what I have tried to do in the years since that day. And here I am, still standing, like a tree after heavy pruning, stripped of most of my leaves, all the unfruitful branches cut away (they were dead wood), waiting for the next season. Waiting for the Lord to call forth from me what I still have to give.

As God's fellow workers we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain. For he says, "In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation. We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. 
2 Corinthians 6:1-10 NIV

One thing that has happened to me is that I have become, strangely, more and more ‘invisible.’ I was even going to call this post ‘Invisible Man,’ because this is how I feel much of the time. Now that I have been trying to live a repenting life, now that I am openly following the call of Christ, what I told my wife Anastasía when I shared this moment with her is coming true: I will follow the call, wherever it leads me, whether it makes my earthly life better or worse, whether people love me or hate me, whether I am approved or disapproved, praised or slandered…

What I have actually discovered is that many of those I counted on to be supportive have fled. What I find is that I am invisible even when I am with them in the same physical space. In this last age of the world, the politically correct way of killing someone is to pretend they don't exist…

Here is an apolytikion composed for Romanós the Melodist, my nameday saint…

God's image was perfectly preserved in you, O Father, for taking up the Cross you followed Christ. You taught us by example to disdain the flesh, a passing thing, but to see the soul which is immortal. Wherefore, O holy Romanós, your spirit rejoices with the angels.

I want to live my life as he lived his. Notice, no mention at all of the 800 hymns he wrote, or of the miracle by which he was given the gift of hymnography. Only that he took up the Cross. My hope is that I can run my race to the end as he ran his…

By faith, Romanós shouldered his cross and followed the Man of sorrows even to the end. By faith he saw the One like a son of man coming with the clouds. And by his faith in Christ, he conquered and overcame and was not hurt at all by the second death.

That new river

River of Life, Revelation 22:1

'The world my parish, or my parish my world.' Years ago when I managed Ethos, the Greek Orthodox bookstore in Portland, I remember having a few copies of a book—I think it was a children's book—with a yellow cover and a photo of a Greek bishop in his blacks and skoufi with some children, and the title of the book was something like ‘The World My Parish.’ Trying to find that book again, instead I discovered that this phrase seems to have originated among the Methodists, probably from one of the Wesleys. I'm not surprised. I have a soft spot in my heart—some people would say a soft spot in my head—for basic mainline Protestants of all sorts, especially the small town types, Methodists, 'Piscopalians, Presbyterians and 'Lutherns.' These people have always been kind to me whenever I've interacted with them. The more rigorous types would say these people were 'just being nice' and, alluding to C. S. Lewis' observation in Mere Christianity that it's not nice men but new men that life in Christ produces, consign them to the category of 'probably not saved.' Why kill when slander does the job better and lasts longer? Anyway…

Forgive me, brethren, but back to the topic, is it my parish, or my club, or my cohort or my family that is my world, and let all outsiders stay away, or is it that daring opposite, the world my…? For the second is to have your door blown off in a hurricane and possibly even your house blown down or carried away in the whirlwind, but hey! didn't Elijah leave mother earth in just that way? For to shut your door and bolt it tight is the magnification of what you're doing to your heart, and that open door, if you unwisely keep it unlocked or even wide open, will attract all kinds of unsavory types. Welcome, for all decent people, consists in showing hospitality to your relatives and friends, but as for the others? How could you? You never know who the wind just might blow in. You have only one life to live, so why not stick close to your kith and kin. Let the other guy welcome angels who might possibly be Christ in disguise—but probably aren't, since that only happens in fairytales—while you smile on the deserving.

Why am I thinking of this just now? I have an old friend, someone I've known nearly my entire adult life, and for some reason he has always tolerated me and grudgingly—but sometimes with a surprising hint of genuine warmth—accepted me into his very narrow circle of friends. Yes, he's a Christian, started out a small town, one of the 'aforenamed' Protestants, very mellow, almost a 'Bilbo Baggins of the Shire' sort of man, of hardy English stock. Well, started out that way but married a lass, yes, alas! a no-nonsense, 'my way or the highway' sort of missionary Baptist zealotess, a sweet woman who characteristically could smear Jesus all over your face at the picnic table when she found out you were not exactly a real Christian like herself, and did it with a smiling frown that Da Vinci would've loved painting. Probably would've out-classed even the Mona Lisa, if he had. That changed him for ever after. My friend, that is.

We worked together, and we probably learned a lot from each other, woodworkers as we were, though he would never admit it. I learned a lot from him, of course. It all happened while he carefully tried to polish me up to his standards of Christianity, but he was unsuccessful and finally gave up with a shrug. But I never seemed to learn enough. The thing that irked him most about me was how I kept welcoming people and including them in my life, as promiscuously and shamelessly as a common prostitute or sinner. Of course I didn't 'fool around' with anyone, but I didn't seem to understand that not everyone can be trusted, and I recklessly let people get to know me, and even invited them to my home and church. I didn't seem to know where to draw the line, and lines must be drawn, or else we'll get dragged down the slopes with those galloping pigs. Drowning in a lake may be too good for them, but Christ shows mercy even to demon-filled hogs.

Our lives are nearly over. My friend is retired early, and I may be too, sooner than I think. He has become firmer and more righteous than the rock of Gibraltar, and his dear wife must now be a pinnacle of biblical inerrancy and churchly rectitude. I don't know, as we haven't seen each other in years. She is a brilliant woman and a medical professional. My friend, of course, has remained what he always was, a country squire, just a little more disconsolate at the state of everything and everyone around him. The world was going to hell in a hand-basket when we worked together all those years. Now, it's probably arrived, because the last he saw of it, it was going in the same direction in a dump truck. We do see each other once in a while, and I think we're always happy to see each other, at least I know I am. I see him as I will see him on the Day of resurrection, loaded with only good memories. He sees me, well, I don't know how he sees me, but I sometimes feel pity looking at me through his eyes. Yes, I am a failed human, but because he still likes me, he'll be able to hear, 'Enter into the joy of your Lord…' Who knows, maybe I'll be let in too, as his stray dog.

This is my experience of the world. When I wrote, our lives are nearly over, I meant, from man's point of view, I've done what was expected, and my friend has too. Now we can rest, he on his laurels, me, well, on my futon. The only laurel leaves I have are tucked in the pages of my bible where I use them as book marks. I picked them up off the floor of Hades after they showered down on the Son of God to celebrate His victory over sin, death and hell, as He was emptying the place. I hope that when it's my turn to go down below, I'll be turned away at the door by a sign that says, 'Sorry, hell is too small for you. Please see the Receptionist at Gate 22.' I see those laurel leaves and the flower petals whenever I read the psalms, and I remember all the blossoms that the Lord showered down on me in my long life, all the wonderful human souls whom I tried to make welcome and who welcomed me. Nothing virtuous on my part. I just read what the Lord says, 'Make peace with your adversary while you are on the way with him to the court,' and that's what I did. It's not hard to follow instructions when it's a matter of life and death, and especially when you know that life is with your brother, and death being without him.

This ramble is, of course, just another rant about welcome, about hospitality, about brotherly love, about turning the other cheek, going the extra mile. It's about being willing to see your neighbor as your other self, just as good and just as bad as yourself, just as deserving and undeserving of love, acceptance, even forgiveness, as you are. Yes, we are again approaching the edge of the highest cliff in the universe, the one which Lazarus approached and looked down from, never seeing the bottom, and across seeing the land of infinite sorrow. Like him we will be reprieved, called back temporarily—who knows for how long—from our bodily death, so that having faced it and overcome it through the One that calls us out one by one by name, we can remember to keep open our door to the stranger, our hearts to those who are different and for that reason unwanted. For we are the person that is turned back at the door, we are the unwelcome, we are the stranger in a land far darker than Pharaoh's Egypt, the state of misery. Let's get ready to journey together to that other mountain, not Sinai of the trumpet-blasts and rock-hard commandments, but the place of the Tree of Life, from whose branches more than manna can be gathered, and whose roots do not drink water but deliver it to all who thirst.

Come, brethren, let us drink from that new river…

In our eyes

The world is a macrocosm of the individual, and vice versa, the individual is a microcosm of the world. What is true of one is generally true of the other. Our lives are formed in the main by the flow of missed opportunities, our action/reaction selves skewed by our mistakes, as all the while we fume and foment never noticing success is not happiness, nor seeing salvation and joy lie before us in plain sight.

So the world, forced by willful ignorance to drag untold tonnage of hapless memories, called ‘history’, and distracted by its lust to hoard even more, joins the chase for hides of outward glory assisted by hell’s hounds, and misses every worthy event and personage to ever cross its threshold or pitch a tent in its domain. Seeking what cannot be found, the world, and the individual, both forfeit what is theirs.

Today the Church celebrates the birth of an unknown Jewish girl. Unknown, even unnamed by the world of her time, never recognized as anyone, she passed her life in obscurity, except when she was exposed in the close circle of her family and clan as a possible adulteress, a pregnant teenager betrothed to an old man, with nothing to defend herself and her honor but the words of an angel, that she alone saw.

Yet, while the world was looking the other way, making much of the latest royal scandals and divine pronouncements of distant emperors, this young girl went about the business of growing up, serving her aged parents, later only her old mother, until she came of marriageable age, and a different type of history, hidden from the world but hallowed before the ages, began to unfold in the closet of the heart.

Without ever knowing it, of an obscure people that the only God had chosen for her humanity as well as His, she became the last and most faithful among them, without learning having surpassed by her silent surrender to the Divine philanthropy all their most sacrosanct notables, as well as their prophets, priests and kings. Hidden from her by her humility, from the world by its pomp, she was crowned Queen.

The last true Hebrew, and the first hearer of the Good News, she beckons both to her ancestral people, the children of Israel, and to the race of those begotten of her by the Spirit of her Divine Son, the Christians, inviting them and us to the feast prepared before all worlds, to that banquet for which she was born, and for which we too, through her, are both born and made welcome, all first-borns.

The world has missed her birth, her life, her falling asleep, her leave-taking, just as it missed the man-coming of her Divine Son, His crowning with thorns, His enthronement on the Cross, His hell-harrowing rest, His abundant rising from the tomb, and His man-taking into the Divine Nature. But we need not follow in its wake. Our Lady Theotokos, Mary of Nazareth, the unwedded Bride, is in our eyes.

NOTE
With a few minor alterations to the text, and presented in verse format, this essay has also been published here in my poetry blog, Gift of Tears.

We shall be free

Five discoveries or inventions (the original meaning of ‘invention’ was ‘discovery: in old history books, ‘the invention of the Holy Cross’ means ‘the finding of…’) have at various points in our evolution given mankind the ability to become something more than we are by nature. At least one of these occurred in pre-history, one at the dawn of civilization, one inaugurated what would later become the ‘information age’, and the last two are bunched in the lifetimes of people today and threaten to be the precursors of post-history. Without these five, man would be little more than an animal sharing the planet with all other life forms. With them, we have gone from being mere lords of the earth to its possible destroyers.

The first, fire, comes before the dawn of history, that is, before we have written records to ‘prove’ what happened, as in the adage ‘if it didn’t get documented, it didn’t happen.’ Possessing the secret of how to make fire, we became a terror to all creatures. We learned to cook with it. We also used it as the basis of almost every weapon known to humanity. No, swords don’t kill with fire, but you can’t easily make a sword unless you have fire. By fire we also overcame the darkness of night, enabling us to increase our power over others, making them slaves. Labors done by day provided for our basic needs. Working at night made us think of ourselves as ‘gods’. We didn’t have to sleep. We could grow rich and powerful.

The wheel. Almost every ancient people had it sooner or later. A few (American ‘Indians’) used it in making toys but missed its technological application, a fatal mistake. No people without wheels ever got anywhere. They were subsumed under other peoples who road over them in chariots or outwitted them by wagons and pulleys. Almost every mechanical invention derives its possibilities from some form of the wheel. We used it to make the best pottery. We found that rolling it over and over again overland let us transport objects great distances. Running ropes over and under other wheels, we could raise and lower objects too heavy to move any other way. Abstractly, wheels in our heads got other balls rolling.

A third invention, great enough to be included because through it we began to write history, not only make it, was writing. Discovered by many races (maybe independently) all over the planet, it almost guaranteed the continuity of every human endeavor, while at the same time aggravating and sometimes defeating the cultures into which it was introduced. The third invention I am counting is, however, not writing itself, but rather its expansion into every corner of every nation, and into every cell of every mind, through the printing press, through movable type. Here, finally, is the genesis of the real middle class, a new sort of humanity that really believes it can do anything, because it knows everything.

For almost five centuries the third discovery made its inventors and owners lords of the world in a way that no one could have ever foreseen. Personal liberty, economic prosperity, progress in every field, divided the ‘haves’ from the ‘have nots’. The unbridgeable gap between godlike but godless races and classes on one side, and everyone else on the other, believe what they may, was formed gradually. Christianity is still caught in the middle, trying desperately to bridge the gap without success because it too has been divided between two irreconcilable cliffs. Without forgetting itself and remembering Christ, it cannot begin bridging the gap, for only He is Mediator between man and man, as well as man and God.

The automobile, everywhere the sign and symbol of the ‘new man’, is the fourth invention, standing at the threshold of the ‘modern age’, and in four generations realizing the dreams of every race from the beginning of time, to fly, to glide over the earth effortless and powerfully, to see the world from the vantage point of the gods, to depart and arrive the same day on a journey that on foot might take weeks. To every man, woman and child is power given, and speed, and authority. Behind the steering wheel no one is weak, or slow. No one can be ignored. No one can have his rights trampled. The singular sign of entry into the middle class is the ownership of a car. It makes you ‘lord of the earth’ in a personal way.

The final, the fifth invention is, what do you think? The computer? The internet? These are definitely the bases for it, but they are still generalities, cannot be held in the hand, making that hand all-powerful. The fifth invention is the cell phone. As if created by divine fiat, this device has emerged and in less than a generation has invaded the human race faster than any plague. Overtaking every people and nation, no matter how primitive, making up for uneven technological and cultural development, and granting access to the world of ideas to everyone who has one and knows how to use it. Fire, wheel, printing and automotion, all taken up and culminating in a hand-held divinizer of the human species. Man as god.

‘If something is possible, we can do it,’ is the innate attitude of mankind, and it is put there by the Maker. Why, then, is it that by these five inventions we have not created a paradise planet? The easy answer provided by one religion after another is that we’re somehow flawed as a species. Non-religious man senses this, writes God off as a worthless bungler and proceeds to do the best he can (if he is an idealist), or decides here and now to take advantage of the situation and do the best for himself (since there is no accountability). Clearly, our five inventions and every other revealed by reason (that Divine spark) make us godlike, but always at a price we cannot pay. We shift that burden onto others, to prosper ourselves.

That is the bad news. That is our glory turned to shame. The good news is that the New Man has arrived. He didn’t pay us a mere ‘courtesy call’ or, like the gods of pagan mythology or our modern fantasies, come to tantalize us with what could never be ours. Every one of the five inventions has a flip side, or rather, they were never discoveries of our own but gifts He sent us ahead of Him. He always goes to prepare a place for us. In time, He went ahead to prepare an earth. Beyond time, He goes ahead to prepare a heaven. These five ‘inventions’? We have to let Him show us how to use these things He’s given, unlearn our abuse of them. The good dreams He sends are true. Choosing them, we shall be free.

If there are any wise…

…or learned men among you, let them show it by their good lives, with humility and wisdom in their actions. But if at heart you have the bitterness of jealousy, or a self-seeking ambition, never make any claims for yourself to cover up the truth with lies—principles of this kind are not the wisdom that comes down from above: they are only earthly, animal and devilish. Wherever you find jealousy and ambition, you will find disharmony, and wicked things of every kind being done; whereas the wisdom that comes down from above is essentially something pure; it also makes for peace, and is kindly and considerate; it is full of compassion and shows itself by doing good; nor is there any trace of partiality or hypocrisy in it. Peacemakers, when they work for peace, sow the seeds which will bear fruit in holiness.

Where do these wars and battles between yourselves first start? Isn't it precisely in the desires fighting inside your own selves? You want something and you haven't got it; so you are prepared to kill. You have an ambition that you cannot satisfy; so you fight to get your way by force. Why you don't have what you want is because you don't pray for it; when you do pray and don't get it, it is because you have not prayed properly, you have prayed for something to indulge your own desires.

You are as unfaithful as adulterous wives; don't you realize that making the world your friend is making God your enemy? Anyone who chooses the world for his friend turns himself into God's enemy. Surely you don't think scripture is wrong when it says: the Spirit which He sent to live in us wants us for Himself alone? But He has been even more generous to us, as scripture says: God opposes the proud but He gives generously to the humble. Give in to God, then; resist the devil, and he will run away from you. The nearer you go to God, the nearer He will come to you. Clean your hands, you sinners, and clear your minds, you waverers. Look at your wretched condition, and weep for it in misery; be miserable instead of laughing, gloomy instead of happy. Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up.

Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who slanders a brother, or condemns him, is speaking against the Law and condemning the Law. But if you condemn the Law, you have stopped keeping it and become a judge over it. There is only one Lawgiver and He is the only Judge and has the power to acquit or to sentence. Who are you to give a verdict on your neighbor?

James 3:13-4:12 Jerusalem Bible

End Times

When I was just a young man in my early twenties, working as an apprentice in furniture making in Edmonton, Alberta and still living in the New Age commune that drew me to Canada, I met a lonely young man at work. When I say lonely, I mean he was a loner. He had no friends, and he was quite private and untalkative.

Even back then, I was no different than I am now. Though I wasn’t a Christian yet, I was still always interested in other people, especially when they seemed to be spiritually minded. That’s what I suspected of this boy, and so I befriended him. He was a skinny boy with a very serious look on his face at all times, and fiery red hair. As we got to know each other, and he learned that I was also ‘on the spiritual path’ and involved in a group that believed that ‘the end is near,’ he opened up to me his great secret.

Through his study of the Bible and working through its numerology, he had determined that not only were we in the Last Days, but that the Lord Jesus Christ was about to return, and it would not be too far ahead. In fact, it was going to be the very next year. This was in 1972.

I didn’t criticize him in any way, but let him talk about it more and more to gain his confidence, and finally one day, he invited me to his room. He rented a single room in a house—that was what young people did in those days in Canada, that is if they didn’t pool their resources and get an apartment to share—and he had a hotplate in there, was able to use a shared washroom, but other than a small bed and a tiny dresser and writing table with lamp and a chair, he had nothing else in the room. I felt sorry for him, as my commune was in a large house on the edge of the University of Alberta campus. It had five or six bedrooms, four (gas) fireplaces, a great room, a fully finished one room attic with dormers, and several bathrooms and all the other rooms one expects in a very large house. Our rent was $285 a month. This young man was certainly poor as well as lonely. I wish I could remember his name, but I can’t, so I will call him Colin.

When Colin invited me to come over, so he could show me the fruits of his labors, I was excited, because he really interested me. There was something about him, so solemn even at that young age, and so confident of his beliefs. On the other hand, I was still being tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine, and almost drowning in the New Age sea. I hadn’t made it to the ark in time. Would the flood finally drown me? I wondered.

Finally, the day came and after work I drove him home (he didn’t have a car either; I had a brand new Ford Pinto), and we ascended the stairs to his room. When the door opened, his one lamp was already burning. It was dark outside already, being the beginning of winter. There was nowhere for me to sit but on his bed, and he took the chair and pulled out of somewhere a pile of oversized, thick paper with what looked like geometry diagrams and tiny writing all over the pages. He pulled one out of the pile and laid it out on the bed where I could see it, though the lamp didn’t give much light.

The page had what looked like intersecting circles and lines, and lots of tiny writing and dates and bible verses. He began explaining to me all kinds of things about what the Bible said, that I had never heard of in my life. He had figured out from all the prophecies in the bible exactly when everything was going to happen, events that I had never even heard of before. I had been brought up as a Catholic, and so there wasn’t any concept of prophecy being fulfilled before our very eyes. I was impressed but overwhelmed. There was suddenly something emanating from his eyes, voice and face that I hadn’t seen in him before. It scared me a little bit. It was almost as if he were possessed.

Yes, possessed. Possessed by ideas, for sure. Possessed by certainty, but what was the source? Things that I thought about fuzzily and not even in biblical terms, only in the New Age way—you know, Age of Aquarius—this Colin seemed to know with rock hard certainty. The complexity of his drawings and timelines, as he showed me the other papers, astounded me. To this day, I have never seen anything so rigorously organized and complex on a piece of paper. As he told me about his revelations, he spoke almost as if I weren’t there, almost as though he didn’t care whether I believed him or not. When he was done, he looked at me point blank and said, “In just a couple of months, I will disappear. Do you want to come with me?”

That was too much for my New Age head to wrap around, and after an embarrassing moment and a stutter, I told him, I needed time to think about it. Disappear where? I was afraid to ask him. I had a sickening feeling that he might kill himself. I knew in my gut, something was not right here.

Colin only worked with us for maybe another week and a few days more, and then he really did disappear. I didn’t retrace my way to his doorstep to look him up either, even though I wanted to very badly. There was just a strange emotion of attraction and fear in me going on, and the fear won. I never forgot him, though, and I wonder to this day what happened to him. He is not the only person in my life who has just disappeared, but certainly one of the most enigmatic.

What brought this all to mind was thinking about the apocalyptic groups that are currently terrorizing the world. Here it is, the same spirit, still claiming to know what only God knows, only on a much larger scale. If only it were that easy. If only we could expect God to unfold His plans like clockwork and give some of His servants the privilege to know His timeline.

History has shown every one of these claimants to hidden prophetic knowledge to be imposters and deceived, and yet that doesn’t stop them appearing with predictable regularity. In fact, that’s the only predictable thing about their whole enterprise. We know that Christ will return, but not when. He tells us this is how it must be. And we also know that these false prophets and deluded brethren will appear with dependable regularity. Lucky will be the last, who come proclaiming and prophesying the day before He really does return. But how will He regard them?